A B C D E F G H I J K L M
N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
A
- Awesome - not what you think it means. It's now been hijacked by inarticulate people who are not as trendy as they think they are. No need to learn it's meaning because it will be retired soon.
- Amazing - (see awesome)
- Al Gore - "doing an al gore" - claiming credit for something you had nothing to do with and don't really understand. (that's bad enough, but to go on and lose the election to a ne'er-do-well cowboy is just unforgivable. oh, thanks al gore for inventing the internet, otherwise you wouldn't be reading this.
B
- Basically - (see awesome) unlike awesome, this one has no meaning and therefore no use whatsoever. it's also used by the inarticulate just to fill the silence while they think of the next word.
- Bareback - "to go bareback" - a very silly thing to do if you're not well acquainted with the person you're getting down and dirty with. one you'd only do if you have a penis that has it's own brain. very dangerous.
- Boris Johnson - "doing a boris johnson" - to use a multisyllable Shakespearean word no one has ever heard of let alone used when a short current one would suffice. (i've been accused of this too)
C
- Cant - used to be the most offensive word in the english language and still is in some parts. it's now used to refer to anyone who is acting cunty.
- Celebrity - "celebrity ..." - usually pejorative, a prefix to something we want to condescend eg celebrity radio host = a person who used to be on tv and gets given a radio job just because they're a celebrity and they take it because they want to remain visible so that they can get back on tv. can be used for other professions too.
- Celebrity accosting machine - twitter
- Complisult - via Albert Brooks - this means complimenting somebody so much you end up insulting you. e g "i like you on the radio .... but your stand up never makes me laugh. why don't you do it like trevor noah?"
- Cope - "to do a cope" - the act of over promising and massively under delivering. setting out to do something commendable with the backing of many well wishers and then turning into a power hungry monster at the first whiff of a guaranteed pay cheque to the detriment of the master plan.
D
- The Daily Mail Rule - in addition to updating you on what the Kardashians are wearing on this hour and who they're having sex with or what basic cable TV female starlet has had the temerity to age and develop cellulite, the daily mail is a very effective hysteria machine. it employs upwards of 2 dozen "columnists" who opine on issues of the day. If you ever find yourself not sure what you think of a particular subject, find out what they say about it and take the exact opposite view. Try it.
- Douchebook - facebook (no need to elaborate)
E
F
G
H
I
J
- Justin Bieber - a joke that went too far. can also mean an annoying boy who impersonates a singer and makes young unstable girls cry.
- Jenny Crwys-Williams - the unparalleled ability to bang on about oneself and one's holidays for one's own amusement on a regional radio's stations airwaves and getting paid for it.
- JZ - "to do a jz" - to not employ any of the contraception/safe sex methods and and go bareback (see under b), unwittingly or otherwise, and as the last throw of the dice, take a shower
- John Robbie - "to do a john robbie" the act of carrying on like you're a "big man" and capitulating like a house of cards at the first sign of a backlash.
K
- Kanye - "to do a Kanye" - a) the act of getting drunk and causing a scene at a gathering. the bigger the number of people witnessing the incident the better. b) this one is sartorial and simply refers to a person's fondness of skinny pants. this must be the only piece of fashion that has taken off in the last 100 years that reveals to the world that you have a small penis. because if you're packing anything over 4 inches there's no way you'd leave your house in those, it would be too painful.
L
- Lovely - (see awesome)
M
- Mcintyre - the art of stating the obvious to unsuspecting simpletons and elicit a laugh . if that doesn't work shaking your hair violently. works all the time.
- MILF - your mom
- Mbalula - "to mbalula" - the act of using a public office and taxpayers money to fulfil childhood fantasies.
N
- Net Knight - as in the knight in the shining armour, refers to a guy who comes to the "rescue" of someone (usually woman) who they deem to be in distress online by attacking the alleged aggressor. eg a woman objects to something you twitted and you rightly tell her to fuck off, she throws a hissy fit and all the guys who want to have sex with her attack you with all the school boy slurs of "hating on women" etc. those are net knights
- Netsheepsteria - net = the internet, sheeple = people who have no ability to think for themselves and just follow the flock, hysteria = as in hysteria - the perfect storm of these three usually as a result of somebody saying or doing something silly and of no consequence and people with vested interest convincing the sheeple that they should be outraged and demand action. to bring it to an end the baying mob usually accepts the firing of the person concerned if he occupies some position of perceived influence, an apology at the very least. if netsheepsteria is picked up by the content-starved news, then were talking fever pitch which means the subject is really fucked
O
- Open minded - "i'm open minded" - some context first. it is widely accepted by men (and some women) that the most quintessential of sexual experiences is a threesome and those who have yet to experience it look forward to and those who have look forward to their next time. due to a myriad of reasons women may not be as forthcoming with their willingness to participate in such a congress but i'm reliably informed that "open minded" is the appropriate code. so, context and proceed with caution.
- Open to persuasion - not exactly the opposite of open minded but maybe the extension. i'm of the opinion that female sexuality is a lot more fluid than males' and i've heard more "i'll try it once and see what it's like from girls than guys (0 from guys). while "open minded" requires you to be vigilant and look out for the telltale signs, "open to persuasion" requires you to be an instigator.
P
Q
R
S
- Swag - nobody actually knows what it is but everyone claims to have it. just announce that you "have swag" to the person you want to impress and since nobody knows what it is, they'll believe you.
- Stoke Newington Syndrome - "to suffer from" - the act of drinking so much you wake up at a place you don't recognise and have no recollection of events leading to you getting there (not recommended and i should know)
T
- T-bo Touch - "to do a t-bo touch" - to mangle the english language while speaking in a forced fake american accent
U
V
W
- Wiener (Anthony) - "to do a wiener" - to send pictures of your erect penis to somebody you met online, or anybody for that matter. however, if you're a woman sending nude pics is a mark of being progressive and being sexually liberated and is, therefore, encouraged especially you send them to me.
- Welsh - "to welsh on a round" - to cunningly develop the urge to go to the bathroom just as it's about to be your turn to get the next round of drinks, thereby passing the responsibility to one of your fellow revellers and avoiding parting with your hard earned money. the long term effect of this is that they may decide not to hang out with you. but if you don't want to hang out with them too, a it's win-win.
X
Y
Z
- Zulu - "going zulu" - giving the vibe that not only are you're willing to employ physical violence to win an argument but that you'd win the fight too. if you sense that your warning is not being heeded, you might want to announce that you're zulu. you don't actually have to be zulu but if you're white, it's going to be a tough sell. if it still doesn't work maybe just go back to vocabulary and intellect.
* i don't really know what i'm talking about. i have not read a single report to support anything on this page. i'm an idiot.
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